’Marry in May, Rue the Day’ 
~ Mary Queen of Scots wed the Earl of Bothwell on May 15, 1567 in a most ill begotten marriage. After the wedding, lines of poetry about women marrying in May and ill omens were attached to the Holyrood Palace gates
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"I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things that I haven't" 
 ~ Lucille Ball

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Will you marry me?
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". 

The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." 

After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. 

"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was." 

Month of Marriage
Married when the year is new,
he’ll be loving, kind, and true.
When February birds do mate,
you wed, nor dread your fate.

If you wed when March winds blow,
joy and sorrow you will know.

Marry in April when you can,
Joy for Maiden and for Man

Marry in the month of May,
and you’ll surely rue the day.
Marry when June roses grow,
over land and sea you’ll go.

Those who in July do wed,
must labour for their daily bread.

Whoever wed in August be,
many a change is sure to see.

Marry in September’s shrine,
your living will be rich and fine.

If in October you do marry,
love will come but riches tarry.

If you wed in bleak November,
only joys will come, remember. 

When December snows fall fast,
marry and true love will last.
~ An Old Nursery Rhyme

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50th Anniversary

There was this old couple who had been married for 49 years. On the morning of their 50th anniversary they were sat at the breakfast table when the old man said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for exactly 50 years."

"Yes," she replied, "50 years ago we were sitting here at this very breakfast table together."

"You know, we were probably sat here as naked as new-born babies 50 years ago."

"Well, what do you say? Should we re-live old times?" Whereupon the two promptly stripped down to their birthday suits and sat down back at the table.

"You know, honey," said the little old lady breathlessly, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"That doesn't surprise me at all," the man answered, "One's in your coffee and the other's in your porridge."
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What was its name?
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" 

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques visualization-association and it has made a huge difference for me." 

"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?" 
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. 

Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?" 

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"